Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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