You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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