I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
