i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
