I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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