I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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