Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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