am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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