Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When did angry sex become our thing?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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