meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
