i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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