I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
