In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
