She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
