He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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