For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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