is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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