My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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