I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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