New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The uberlube is also flammable
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How naked do you want me to be?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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