You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
