If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
