Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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