I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
