Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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