im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
