All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
