so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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