Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
