Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
