So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
