My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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