you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
