Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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