Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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