His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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