I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
