Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
