apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
