is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
