Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
