He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
