clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
