Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
