Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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