How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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