Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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