3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
