I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
