I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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