If i come over, it means nothing
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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