i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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