I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
