New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
