How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
