I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
